You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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