goodnight i made you a song goodbye
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize