Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
