Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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