I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
