Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
