Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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