I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
