i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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