It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
