I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
