do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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