Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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