i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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