I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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