you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
