Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
