First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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