I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize