Pappa wants mamma naked
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
