he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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