Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
