Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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