So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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