There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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