We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
