There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
