I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Randomize
