well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
