Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
