I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
