Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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