I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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