DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We're too hungover to prance.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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