Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize