What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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