I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
