No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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