dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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