is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
That's how pantless uber rides happen
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
