Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
