Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize