In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
