My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Damn victory sex feels great
Randomize
