Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
