Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I have fence marks all over my body
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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