my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
