Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
