i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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