That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
