1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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