Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
