I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
