absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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