Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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