Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
