Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
