Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
