Where are you?
In a non slutty way
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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