Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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