We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
