I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
