do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
