I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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