is your mom at the bar?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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